bitches, doves and sexuality

Today in computer science I was so bored that I started texting my roommate Bianca to keep myself awake. She had this brilliant idea of me writing down a poem about my class to help the time go faster. And I did. And it did. And I am sharing them with you! (yes! more than one poem!)

Bitch

As I sit here on this chair

I start to feel the despair

I don’t understand why there’s

a bug in our hair and

Creepy girls don’t make my day.

People say it’s not okay to hold your breath and look away 

when you want to be annoying

in class.

 

The u-shaped desks open for the display

Someone smart posed a question

And suddenly it’s not okay.

Magnesium is what I need

or a cigarette to breathe.

People whisper next to me

We have a problem so I see

Why did you have to move to my side of the classroom?

I am not your friend and I do not like you

Your voice kills my braincells

and makes me want seppuku

You’re not cool or smart

You’re annoying and talk like fuck

Bitch.

 

 

Doves and Digits

The doves in the sky are all dead. 

The softness of your lips doesn’t matter

anymore, as I press 0 and expect you to say 10

‘Cause I am 0 and you are the 1.

 

Maybe this wasn’t the best of ideas

to try this again with 2 digits and a clear

vision of what we tapped on last night

Maybe an if statement will save you

somewhere on your skin

Next to the soft soft part of your display

But the operator is a positive case

that circles the bug.

I don’t know if it matters,

How’s that look if operator is 0

When I am 0 and you the 1.

 

1 plus 2 equals 3. Great

Let’s start with a fresh calculator

Say 10 plus 1 equals 11.

Can you see what I’m saying?

 

I read them to her at lunch and she loved both of them. She would. 

Last night at rehearsal, a girl said that it’s weird how 2 of the few straight girls in this play are VERY sleezy together on stage. Mainly because of me, haha I try. And it IS strange. I remember last year I honestly thought I was bi because of this girl in my Japanese class who honestly looked like a guy. After that I fell for my friend who was also Asian and boyish like. After that I realized that I am straight after all…I think of guys more than I think of girls because, a guy sounds better than a girl. I don’t think I would EVER be able to be with a girl. It would be so weird. 

Now I have to get ready for the rest of my classes AND rehearsal right after that. Make sure you analyze my poems properly and send the responses to me. I will grade you later.

We are cold, we’re so cold, we are

It’s 3 am right now and I’m still up. I finished my Chemistry homework and I should have gone to bed, but I am so afraid I won’t wake up in time for class tomorrow, that I’ve decided I will pull an all-nighter. I am also very cold, which doesn’t help at all at staying awake. Right now I am using my hair-dryer to warm myself up. It’s not even the heater the problem here. There’s actually a decent amount of heat in the room. It’s just that the heat isn’t registering in my cold cold skin. Because I went to a fancy dinner tonight, I was wearing only a blouse and a blazer; blouse + blazer + cold^2=s.a.d.f.a.c.e. However, I liked the way I looked, haha. And then I had to go to rehearsal right after the dinner, and for those of you who don’t know shit about Chapin Auditorium, let me tell you it’s fucking cold in there. There are no flies or insects in there. Why? Because it’s a fucking ice age. AND THEN, I had to walk all the way to Pearsons to do my Japanese homework with a friend of mine. We couldn’t actually figure out what the exercises wanted from our lives, and we tried really hard to decipher the text, but there were SO MANY FUCKING KANJI that we haven’t learned yet, that we decided we will show our work tomorrow and put on a sad sad face so the sensei won’t smack us with her stick. Just kidding, she does that when she loves people. So she WILL smack us. wao. Nvm that reasoning. So moving on. After that, I had to walk all the way up to my beautiful dorm. In the cold. AND wearing high heels. I find I have no problem walking in high heels. It’s just that it’s too cold outside and I wasn’t dressed appropriately.

bah, I think I have whined enough about the weather, and since I am not British, I will stop. Let me talk a little about Cabaret.

Cabaret proved to be a most interesting show. I am talking as if the show were over, but I know that on Saturday when it actually finishes, I will be too drunk to write anything coherent…So I found that I can be very creepy, even though I feel really plain and blah boring. I found that the bonds we had in Macbeth were TRULY special. I don’t think I will ever have another experience like Macbeth. Cabaret is close enough to it, but not quite. Dunno why…But anyway, Cabaret…I love all the songs, but my favourite favourite one is I don’t care much, and because I know you are too lazy to go look it up online, I will post the link to it, cause I am THAT kind

That’s my favourite one. How come this is the one I like the most, and not Cabaret, or Don’t tell mama? Well, first of all, because of the melody, the tune. It’s so sad, and so            disturbing. And then you listen to the lyrics and sometimes, I really feel like that. I have a clear hierarchy in my world.

Stranger<Acquaintance=<Friend of a Friend<Could be a Friend<Friend<Very good Friend< BFFN<BFF<SM

I assure you SM does not stand for Sado-masochism, and even if you didn’t think of it, I made you think of it so HA. It stands for soul mate and so far there is only one soul mate in my life. I have some BFFNs and some Very good Friends, but MOST of the people I know are freaking acquaintances of mine. This means that I don’t really care much about them. I only care when I need them to do something for me. That’s all sweet and normal, until they start thinking that you are friends. No, we are NOT friends, thanks, but no thanks. To me, a friend is a very special person in whom you can confide your deepest secrets without worrying s/he will tell the WHOLE world right after that. We are not close enough for that? Then you are JUST an acquaintance of mine. Don’t expect too much from me, I will not deliver it. Don’t expect me to break awkward silences just because you feel like talking, but don’t dare to do it yourself. And even if you DO break the ice and start a conversation, don’t think I will continue it for a long time. I’m not interested. If I were, I would be doing all the talking by now.

People still don’t get that. In Europe, I feel, people are more cold, distant, and get it because they’ve been through a lot and they know that people are people and they WILL stab you in the back on the first occasion. In America, there are still traces of that “hope” of a new world, where you can be whatever you want to be, make your dreams come true and blah blah. Oh the American Dream. Europe doesn’t dream anymore (and frankly I don’t think it ever dreamt). Actually Europe is trying to stay awake. Like I am. We are done with dreams. They never come true the way you want them. They fuck everything up. They make you hallucinate in public and stuff like that. They play with your miiiiiiiiiiind.

Yes. They do. Just like computers. But I will blog later about my relationship with computers. I wish I had some coffee. Or a cigarette. The latter sounds grrrrrrrrreat actually. But I need to wait until Cabaret is over to smoke again. I have decided I will smoke reds again since it IS cold. Menthols are good in the summer.  But yeh, sleep won the battle. I hope my roomie will wake me up in time for class tomorrow.

it’s 9 o’clock. do you know where your brain is?

HOLY MOTHER OF BURGERS

So many things happened these past days. Please make yourself comfy. 

First off, there was a real fire alarm in Ham/MacG Wed night. WTF. I went to bed at 1 cause I wanted to study for my Japanese test on Th, and my lovely roomie was off with some random guy that I have not yet given my blessing to date her wtf. SO. I finally was able to fall asleep (in case you didn’t know, I’m a special insomniac) and the bloody alarm decides it’s time to bug the shit out of me. I tell you, if the alarm were a person, I’d beat seven shades of shit out of her (kudos to you if you know where that quote comes from). I swear to you, it felt like a war zone. the crazy “shit shit who the fuck is shooting us” was in my head and I didn’t really understand what was going on, didn’t see my roomie anywhere, thought it was the middle of the day (which was obviously wrong, but I didn’t give a crap about it), heard some noise on the hallway, realized that it was a fucking shitty night, grabbed shoes and a sweater and headed out the door to join the herd. IT WAS FUCKING ANNOYING WTF standing out there in the cold, not knowing wtf happened, then hearing that there’s smoke coming out of fucking Ham which I absofuckinlutely HATE, and then seeing people smoking a few feet away from me. wtf. I wanted one too. And the cause was epically pathetic. A steam leak on the 5th floor. wtf people. get a fucking life. 

BUT wait. there’s more. 

I didn’t wake up in time for ANY of my classes on Th. And my roomie (who came back around 8 ) thought I had no class and let me sleep. Fuck. I studied my ass for the fucking Japanese quiz, and I didn’t even take it. wtf. oh well, I contacted my senseis and told them a big fat lie and asked them if I could take the test the next day. which was totally fine with them. Hokay, so since that was settled (I didn’t really care for the other class, comp sci pshh lah wtf) I took a shower, got dressed and started my Japanese composition due the following day. At 4 my roomie calls me to tell me she wants me to bring her suitcase to the bridge so she can gtfo of here (she went to Florida the sucker) and I help her because I am THAT kind hearted. After 30 minutes, she sends me a text asking me if her debit card is in her pencil case. WTF?? I looked for it like a murderer looks for victims but couldn’t find it. THEN she texts me back saying j/k lah, have it. fucking shit man, don’t do that to me again. you phail at life.

there’s more on Th but the paragraph is too fucking long that I am starting a new one. SO, as I was saying, I was doing my composition on traveling. It gets close to dinner, I call a bunch of friends to ask if they wanna grab something to eat, but with no luck since they all sucked on Th. So I ended up eating alone, which is terrible, since I never eat alone. Except in the morning. You wouldn’t want me next to you in the morning. Oh well, I accept my sad fate and proceed back to my room to finish my composition. around 8.17 pm I get a text saying that they are rehearsing in Pratt. wtf? I checked ella and I wasn’t called. so I called them back and asked wtf is going on? It seems they forgot to change the schedule on ella, so I was expected at 10 pm to rehearse. Also, no one told me that by rehearsal they meant, SONG rehearsal. fuck. I ate an ice cream at dinner. perfect for my voice. oh well, can’t do anything about it. After that I come back to my room, finish my composition around 12, and then do my orgo hw. I stayed up until 3.a.m. Speaking of composition, my sensei said she wants us to write between 400 and 800 characters, which means a page, but NO!, I had to write not 1, not 2, BUT 3 PAGES! wtf I couldn’t stop writing. I was so into it. Hope she won’t mind reading a little more…

On Fri I woke up early to take my test and hand in my composition and went to orgo. Friday really isn’t so important since I spent it all in my room doing crap shit nothing. I listened to a lot of music and realized that I need more Shiina Ringo in my life. Honnou is stuck in my head because I can totally relate to it. Plus, I can sing it pretty well wtf

BUT

today, I went out with 3 wonderful ladies, to the outlet mall. of course, a lot of money was spent. but it’s all in the past now. I still need stuff, but I got some pretty nice clothes and a pair of sandals. I think I will go to Vegas Night after all, Vegas Night being this skanky party hosted by my college where girls can hook up with boys or with girls or guys with guys or threesomes or foursomes and some more. You get the idea. oh and there’s also poker somewhere. Anyway wtf. And for this lovely event of the year, one must dress accordingly. Need to think about it a little more.