People are strange

People are strange when you’re a stranger
Faces look ugly when you’re alone
Women seem wicked when you’re unwanted
Streets are uneven when you’re down
When you’re strange
Faces come out of the rain
When you’re strange
No one remembers your name
When you’re strange

this is what your mother warned you about

o mai gad you guys, did you know they have Weight Watchers online for MEN? Cause

REAL MEN DON’T DIET!

They eat real food and can achieve real weight loss with a customized online system built just for men.

I came across this ad while I was online people watching. At 3 am. Eating Wonka Nerds because I am hungry and lack appropriate foodage. By the way, foodage should totally be a word. It makes you think of bondage. I am really not into that, “not that’s anything wrong with it” (I’ll give you a virtual candy if you tell me from where I took that), but bondage makes me think of other interesting things. Like, nah I’m not gonna tell you. I’m too shy for that. 

But yes people, the world is changing, and I can feeeeel the change on my own dry skin. I also feel that it is an important change that one must take into account. You wouldn’t want to wake up tomorrow and say, When the fuck did all this happen? Be warned. So yeah, the change is basically, it’s getting too fucking cold in here. So cold that my two fingers that hold the damn cigarette are bound to fall off before this winter is over. Do you understand what I’m saying? Say what? 

What what in the butt?

ooookay

My roommate told me I act as if I were high. O WOE IS ME, I wish I were high. 

Furthermore (just felt the need to use some linking words every now and then) I have my Japanese oral exam tomorrow. I have to talk about my reasons for studying Japanese, an article about a women only net cafe in Osaka, and Xmas customs in Romania. All this in 15 minutes. Pretty impressive, don’t you think? I think it is pretty impressive. So impressive indeed. (whenever I try to write impressive I accidentally type in 3 s’s instead of 2. Impressive – oh, there it goes again) Will I be able to do it? Will I be able to conquer that virgin island with my ubber awesome power? Will I freeze to death outside my dorm only to be found by Pub Safety the next morning and having an article in the college daily newspaper and people laughing at my sorry self? Will I ever finish writing this post?

Snow SNow SNOw SNOW

It’s snowiiiiiing!!!!

Yes, yours truly is still up at 3 am! And right before I went to bed I saw on my desktop that it was snowing in South Hadley! And I just HAD to go outside and feel it for myself. And I took some pictures because snow is worth bearing the cold to hold the camera!

And that’s about it since I need sleep!

This is a sad sad post

I just read something VERY disturbing. The French theater troupe I was part of in high school didn’t participate in this year’s International Festival. That made me SO sad. Look at my sad face. So sad….

It made me want to be there on stage again, speak perfect French again, talk in Frenglish with people from different countries, fool around the city, freeze in the cold shower (damn tough times), spill beer on my costume after the show, smoke in the bathroom (okay, so I didn’t do that, but I WISH I DID), eat crappy mcdonalds food with friends, run to be on time for a show, and most importantly…..GO TO THE WINE FESTIVAL THAT WAS TAKING PLACE BEHIND THE THEATER and return drunk and sit in the balcony and make fun of the people playing with their phones during the boring plays! oh the memories….

My last festival was somewhat a failure to me….During the closing ceremony, I really felt I was going to cry. Partly because I wouldn’t be there the following year, but mostly, because….dunno, it felt so wrong….the atmosphere, the people, the jokes, everything felt SO FUCKING WRONG. A lot of people praised my performance, so it had nothing to do with my acting. But still….

I wanna go back and do a show on my own there. A monologue. Or something like that. OR EVEN BETTER! Go with a group of high school students. That would be sweet. 

I have decided I won’t do any plays next semester. But now I’m kind of reconsidering my decision. It’s weird. Cabaret finished what? two weeks ago, and I already wanna be back on stage! or do something related to theater….I guess, I can’t really stay away from theater for too long. Is my major choice alright? Can I double minor??? 

That’s me being indecisive with a scarf wrapped around me all ninja-like. For the record, that’s not my room, but the IR lounge in Skinner Hall. I got locked out of that room once. Not so smart, eh?

Why am I doubting my choice of major and minor? Why now? I was feeling so comfortable with Asian Studies and Chemistry because I felt I would be able to get a job with those two, AND THEN pursue my real dreams. Something to do with theater, music and film. What should I do? I can hear all of them calling me, screaming for me, and I feel so guilty for not turning to them and opening my arms and just go with the flow. I feel I need so much guidance, so much more to learn in order to get better, but with my classes, there is no time. I feel the need to be on stage, in the spotlight, to sing, to dance, to SPEAK UP, to be a stranger and a friend at the same time, to help people with what I do. 

I am down. Computer Science doesn’t really help me either. I have 3 labs to do, a test program and to worry about my final. and I literally know nothing. I will epically fail this class. I just want to do something that I enjoy. Am I asking too much? 

Maybe I should just marry an American citizen. This way I will be able to stay here after I graduate. And, at the same time, do what I love. But it’s so hard to find someone that fits that category. Yeah, sure, I bet you’re saying I can get any guy, it doesn’t matter that much, ne? But it doesn’t work that  way with me. If I EVER marry, it will be for love. The citizenship would be like a bonus. I don’t believe in arranged marriages or however you call them. I need to feel secure with that person. I say, am I shocking you in any way?

I guess I should just chill a little….All I need to do now is um, find a time machine. Yes. That would be good. 

And so, my question remains. Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere?

EDIT

I just watched La jetee, and it moved me in such a way that I cannot put in words. The scene where she blinks sent shivers up my spine…

Quartz and the meaning of life

Thanksgiving was fantabulous.

I went to Megan’s house down in CT and had a wonderful time with her family. I am a little sad her father wasn’t around, for I wanted to ask him about chemistry and internships and companies in the area for my summer internship, but it was fun nonetheless. I ate delicious food, GREAT pies and sweets and whatnot (the highlights were pecan pie – courtesy of Meg –  and sweet potato pie – made by Jesus himself -), went to see alpacas (oooh the smell will be remembered forever), had a great black Friday with Megan and her friends, talked about China-Taiwan relationship and Romania’s politics with Muraki san at Thanksgiving lunch, AND made my own sweets for the lovely family she has. I know cooking is not that hard, but spreading that stupid crust dough with a rolling pin was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It was my workout for the break. For serious. 

I also had a crash course in guitar taught by Jesus. He was really helpful, and his tips will live within me forever. Moreover, we talked about quartz crystals and he gave me a really beautiful crystal dug up in Arkansas, near his hometown. He explained to me all the different properties and how it can heal a lot of emotional problems. Then he proceeded to show me his own collection of crystals, and there was this one particular crystal that just fascinated me, and still does. It was in the shape of a half moon, but the crystals grew in a weird way and there was actually a bridge between the two sides of the half moon. So symbolic, and deep too. And then there’s another one. The bottom fell off, but the crystals said “oh no bitch, we’re gonna pwn you and grow there too”, so it’s now a rebirth type of crystal. I loved it. I’m happy I got to meet so many great people over the break. 

My crystal is meant to focus on people coming together as a family. So adequate.

Now, all I need to do is focus and get back on track, and write my study abroad proposal, because my application is due this Friday (!!) Shocking indeed.